A mothers worst fear is losing her child... the fear begins at the very moment pregnancy is confirmed and continues basically forever through life. When we think of "losing a child" our mind automatically goes to death, but in the bigger scheme of things we can sometimes "lose a child" in life. At least that's how Autism made its place in my family. I lost my son the day Autism decided to take him. I lost all of my dreams, my hope and the future I had envisioned for my perfect little boy. In an instant of the doctor saying the dreaded "A" word I saw our lives flash before my eyes in a whirlwind. The stigma, the stares, the ignorance that I knew was sure to follow almost became unbearable. This unknown disability; where does it come from, could I have prevented it, how is it cured? But the only question I could repeat was "why?" Why do we not have answers? Why was my child affected? Why are so many suffering with this overlooked epidemic? But the questions are never answered so you learn to cope, you learn to support others, and somehow along the way you learn to live... with Autism.
Our journey "officially" started on April 15th, 2010 just under a month from Talon's 3rd birthday. I say "officially" because that is the date when a group of doctors diagnosed Talon to have Autism Spectrum Disorder, despite the numerous "regular" people who had already diagnosed him through their own opinion. Rather condescending as it sounds but honestly some people should keep their opinion to themselves. As a mother you know when something is wrong with your child but in spite of the obvious you remain hopeful. You fear the worst and hope for the best and when a stranger points out that your child may be Autistic you better be ready to fight. How dare they speak such over my child! He is perfect, cant they see that!! Of course underneath my fight and my anger remained the facts that Talon still could not talk, he rarely made eye contact, he constantly walked/jumped on his tiptoes, and he flapped his arms wildly in excitement. But he was beautiful. His smile could melt hearts and his laughter could change the mood of anyone around him. This is also when and where I decided my perfect little boy would change the world.
Autism to Talon has always made me think of a "fish out of water". A fish out of water flaps and jumps (in a sense) to survive in an environment its just not adapted to survive in. There is no calming technique or way to sooth them. You cant talk to the fish and explain why its feeling the way its feeling. You cant find reason or understanding so you have the choice to either sit back, stare and allow the fish to die naturally or you put it in an environment in which it can survive. I actually read recently about some fish who have adapted or mutated to enable themselves to live on land for several months. Just goes to show ANYTHING can happen if you're determined to see it come to pass.
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