Autism aint Easy...

Well like everything else in my life, I'm late updating my blog!  I promise to do better... time management is a huge goal of mine, as well as others in my life, lol.  In other news, back to the blog!!  This week I thought I would share some of the more emotional side effects of Autism.  I also ask that those who may stumble upon this blog to please pray for a friend who has recently started her own journey in dealing with the huge heartbreak (and loss, so to speak) of Autism taking her son.  Together we will make it through!!

I don't think I have ever read a more true statement than the foreword from Jenny McCarthy's book, "Louder Than Words".  Written by David Feinberd, MD, it states "When your child is diagnosed with cancer, neighbors stop by your home bringing precooked meals, hugs, and support.  When your child is diagnosed with autism, families who see you in the supermarket will slip away down another aisle."  I can't tell you how true a statement this is from my own personal life.  Its almost as though people are afraid to speak Talon's name to me.  Sure we'll talk forever about how my daughter is in cheerleading, dance, gymnastics and made Student of the Month, but I guess since Talon is autistic we should pretend he doesn't exist.  That will surely take the problem away!!Sometimes I want to scream and say "And Talon is GREAT by the way, so glad you asked!!!!"  But instead I bite my tongue and cry about it later.  No one in this entire world wishes Talon was the boy he is suppose to be.  No one would love more to hear their child say "mommy" like it was nothing and take it for granted.  Pretending like it doesn't exist, doesn't make Talon "okay",  it doesn't take away my pain, or my heartache, and it DEFINITELY doesn't make things any easier!

Since Talon's diagnosis I can't report life has gotten much easier, cause trust me Autism ain't easy.  But I can tell you how God has made me stronger.  I've always been a fighter.  I've never just given up and laid down on anything I've faced but this has definitely been my biggest challenge.  I've never cried so much or been so infuriated over something in my life.  Which children do "bring out the crazy" in moms.  I've lost my cool with people on several occasions.  They learn to avoid me or fix it, what can I say.  My son can't talk so I'm not just his voice but his advocate and his slingshot.  The strength I've gained is immeasurable to say the least and I won't stop until Talon is the child God created him to be. 

Perhaps the hardest aspect of Autism that I face myself is the judgment I receive from the ignorant who believe my life IS easy.  The ones who question why I'm not at my daughter's game or performances.  The ones who want to know why I missed their child's birthday party.  Or just the ones who want to monitor my attendance to certain services or events.  So here goes a little "lesson" as to why I'm that "bad mother, friend, etc".  Not that I ever have to explain myself but... perhaps you don't realize that ANYTHING unfamiliar to Talon is gonna be BIG TROUBLE!!  Maybe you don't understand that Talon doesn't respond to commands or rules.  You certainly haven't realized that Talon is non-verbal, which leaves him almost incapable of letting his needs be known.  Could you even begin to imagine how frustrating that is to him???  I'm sure you don't know nor have you witnessed the "meltdown" Talon has from simply driving through the bank drop-offs, or maybe I took a different turn on the way home.  Want us to come for a visit???  I hope you don't mind him rearranging everything in your home and going through some personal items OR having to keep the tv on a certain channel.  A play date? Sure.  As long as you can realize when Talon hits your child, he has no understanding that he has hurt them so forget the sympathy.  Why don't you just take Talon with you, you ask.  Maybe it's because Talon has no constraints in public... he doesn't care if it offends you, hurts you, or disrupts your event.  He doesn't care to fight his way out of your arms and run onto the basketball court, soccer field, or cheer competition.  He simply sees the ball and kids running and he wants to do the same.  So when you judge me for missing my daughter's events, your party, or other occasion, just remember I did it so YOU could enjoy it the way YOU would want it to be.  I am the one who sacrifices seeing my own daughter's accomplishments.  I am the one who lives with the guilt and heartbreak when she asks if I seen her performance and I tell her no.  I am the one who loses the (much needed) socialization with family and friends at your party.  I am the one who gave up the entertainment and will sit home alone so YOU can enjoy the event.  Oh I'm sure you would love to help me.  I've heard that at least a million times.  But now what you need to understand is no matter how much I would LOVE your help, Talon doesn't want it.  Because see, if he doesn't know you then you can forget any offer of help you can send.  And to know Talon is to see him day after day after day after day with total interaction and play.  Otherwise you really don't know him at all and as I said before, he doesn't "want" your help.  So I have kinda gave up the notion that it takes "a village to raise a child".  A child with Autism can't handle that village so therefore his caretaker takes on every demand of that child.  

Autism is so unspoken and every child is so unique that no family can really be compared.  But I promise if you could see past your opinions you could certainly realize why families dealing with autism disappear into their own world... It's not by choice in a sense to hide, but it is your choice to seek and know us.  Go out and find an autistic child to love, trust me, you'll become their whole world!!

Before ending I have to give a big HUGE THANKS and XOXO to the family and friends in my life that have taken the time to know and understand us.  The ones that have forgiven me when I missed important events.  The ones who never question why I'm late because they already know the answer.  The ones that stayed in my home with Talon so I could see my daughter's event.  To those who aren't afraid to ask about Talon and speak his name.  The ones who pray for us nonstop who will see the glory of God one day for such faithfulness.  The ones who bring groceries, etc. because they know how hard it is to get Talon to those places.  The ones with the patience of Job who endure our visits whether it be friendly, a doctor visit, or attempting to have family photos taken.  To the ones that gave up a part of their life to be in our crazy world, we truly LOVE YOU!