A little piece of Perspective Pie :)

Wow!!  Its been a very long time since I've blogged, so instead of giving multiple excuses I'm just gonna simply blame it all on SUMMER VACATION!! haha not that I actually got a vacation but since my kids did it pretty much destroyed any chance of me getting "caught up" on anything.  I do have to say our summer has flew by and we've had a pretty good one, but I'm very excited to say as we approach a new school year for Talon, that we have seen ZERO regression despite having ZERO therapy this summer!!!  Why no therapy you ask?  Blame it on a small town, lack of resources, one parent home, financial limitations, time constraints, schedule conflicts and well you get the point.  Anyway, no regression is a very positive step in the right direction and we are very grateful :)

So tonight my story is a little different... Sometimes I think I "think" too much.  I know I worry too much and I'm too over-protective and a tidbit of a control freak, but my thinking has been out of control lately.  Have you ever just had someone on your mind that no matter what you did their face just wouldn't leave your mind?  That's where I'm at tonight.  Today I was fortunate enough to just simply "see" one of the most beautiful little girls I've ever seen in my life.  I wasn't at a pageant or other similar affair, just picking up some lunch, when my glance became an all out overwhelming fixation on this little girl.  Her slick bald head is what initially caught my eye, followed by the immediate assumption of childhood cancer.  As I waited for my food I couldn't help but say a little silent prayer for her, while also noticing the overall intake of the restaurant.  I observed a few patrons who saw and whispered while others saw but pretended it was normal, but what I mostly saw was this mother who sat with her THREE children trying to have a "normal" lunch.  I saw the little girl's brother and sister look at her with no indifference.  I saw the little girl react to her surroundings with confidence and amazement.  And when she stood up, I saw her tremendous struggle just to take a tiny step.  Not once did I see a mom who thought her daughter couldn't make it nor did she flinch when she saw her daughter unable to take another step before she swept her up to carry her in her arms.  My heart just broke. 

So this is where I received my little piece of perspective pie today.  Knowing as a mother just a small idea of emotion, stress, etc. of what that amazing mother must have to endure.  I deal with fear on a daily basis in regard to what situations, behaviors, or reactions I may be dealt regarding Talon.  I can honestly say I never fear that each day may be his last.  Don't get me wrong, any of us can leave this earth at any time regardless of age, illness, or circumstance, but death is not a constant fear of mine.  So as I watched this family, I began to fear for this mother, a complete stranger, because what if... what if her child didn't see tomorrow.  I started to see how selfish I had been when Talon wouldn't cooperate so I could get groceries or he refused to go on a play date and my frustration would overcome me... at least I knew I would be snuggling him in bed that night, and I knew we were not scheduled for multiple procedures or doctors appointments.  Sometimes I think I've focused so much on what's "missing" from our life, that I forget what I have in front of me everyday.  I have a physically healthy, happy, active, rambunctious little boy who loves to cuddle his momma.  I have a beautiful daughter who is a complete social butterfly and even at age 6 advocates for her brother like nothing I have ever seen.  Ultimately I'm too BLESSED to be STRESSED!! :)

I recently watched the movie "Soul Surfer" which is similar to what I'm sharing.  Totally and completely different circumstances but still the same lesson in stepping back and looking at the full picture and gaining a new perspective.  I wish I could say I didn't question God's motives, but just like "Bethany" I have a hard time seeing how this could possibly be God's plan for me and my son.  I guess its normal to question tragedy or hardship as long as it doesn't consume you into a constant state of depression or negativity.  Regardless I know God DOES have a plan for us and its one of prosper and hope and a future.  Perhaps new dreams need to be envisioned or just some refocusing take place because overall I know I was born to handle this and I want to handle it just as God knew I would.  xoxo